


Other Way Around

by oreob1tch



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Reichenbach-Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4797416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreob1tch/pseuds/oreob1tch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The person who had to die and ended up faking their death was not Sherlock. It was John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Other Way Around

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) this is my first Johnlock fanfiction ever So I'm sorry if it sucks.  
> Hope you like it anyway.  
> Any kind of feedback would be awesome. ♥

"Keep your eyes fixed on me!" John shouts and I stare at him as he stands on the very edge of the roof. My hands are shaking and I can literally hear my heart beat. That's odd. I've never Felt this way. I'm afraid I might drop the phone.

He can't jump. He can't do this to me. I won't be able to solve any case without him. It always takes two of us. I need him.

"John, listen." My voice is calm, I can't let him know how worried i am.

"No, You listen, Sherlock." he interrupts me. "I'm...not the person you think I am."

I rise my eyebrows, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You were wrong! The things you said when we first met...were not true. You were wrong."

"I'm never wrong." i frown. John shakes his head. I can see it all the way from here. He drops the phone and shakes his head again.

His arms look like wings. And when he jumps, I hope they actually are wings.

But they're not. John's body and the pavement meet.

My heart stops beating. He did it. He left me.

~*~

To be honest, the first week is the worst. I even think about not going to John's funeral. But Mrs Hudson insists. I have to say the last goodbye.

So here I am. Standing here in my black tux, looking at John's name written in bold golden letters.

"I had no friends." I whisper. "No one but you, John. You changed me. You can't leave me like this. I'm not myself without you."

Now when no one can see me, I let it all go. The pain I've been feeling since John died.

"I know you've done so much for me, John. But i need you to do me a favor one last time. Just... Don't.. Be dead."

And with that, I leave. It's useless anyway, it's not like he could hear me. John's dead. Not here. He won't be here ever again.

~*~

I haven't touched any of his things since he died. It's all still in the bedroom, door locked.

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I unlock it and just stand there, staring at the bed where he used to sleep. I still can, somehow, feel him here, smell him. Like he's still in there, alive with the silly Smile on his face.

But soon enough i realize that it's just my wish. That he really is dead. And maybe, just maybe, I cry a little.

~*~

I stop solving cases. All my free time i spend by playing. Or smoking, I smoke a lot these days.

When Lestrade needs me, I help, but nothing else.

I have enough money so I can afford staying at home.

Plus Mrs Hudson refused to accept money for John's half. It's hard,for all of us.

~*~

First anniversary of John's death is tomorrow and I'm just sitting here, staring blankly at the wall, cigarette in my mouth.

Mrs Hudson knocks on the door, then enters the room. "Aren't you hungry, dear?"

I shake my head and inhale the smoke from the cigarette, the taste of tobacco heavy on my tongue.

"And what about tea? Would you like Some?"

I look up at her and Smile. "Yes please."

Few minutes later she's back with two cups of tea, placed on the tray along with a cup of milk.

There's a weird tension between the two of us. I know she wants to talk about John and I also know that she knows that i don't want to talk about him.

There's nothing to talk about, he's dead. It's not like we can say something like "have you seen how silly John looks today, in his white jumper?" or "I don't understand, Mrs Hudson, why John disapproves my experiments so much. He threw the head away!".

We can just stare at each other, my facial expression blank and hers full of emotion.

" You can't hide from it." she whispers.

"I'm not hiding." I point out and light up another cigarette.

"Yes, you are dear. You think no one can see you, but Oh I do. I see how ruined You are. Face it. Let it go."

I shake my head and drink a bit of the tea. It's hard to just let go. I'm still hoping. There's the feeling in my head, or maybe my heart, that he just can't be dead, that he is not.

Sometimes, i wish we never met. When i was alone, i was fine. Alone was all i had. Alone protected me. Any of those stupid feelings.

"Tell me Sherlock, did You love him?"

I blink. "Mrs Hudson, how many times do i have to tell you-"

"Sherlock."

The tone in her voice makes me shut up. Sighing, i nod. Yes. Yes I loved him. Romantically.

People think Im cold hearted, aromantic and asexual.

But that all was before John. In that exact moment, when my eyes landed on his pretty face, i knew he was special.

"I knew it." she says with a soft smile. I sigh again. The fact that i loved him, still do, makes it all even worse. Even harder to deal with.

"What's on your mind?" she speaks up.

"He is. Always is. I think that.."

Mrs Hudson looks at me and her intense gaze makes me shiver. "I still think he survived."

But I saw him on the pavement. All dirty from blood. He had no pulse. He was dead. He is dead.

~*~

The following day i go to the cemetery, to look at John's grave.

I put the flowers that I bought down and bite my lip.

Few moments later, Mrs Hudson, Lestrade, Molly and even Anderson appear.

They all look sad but None of them feel what i do.

None of them misses John as much as I do.

They don't love him. They call themselves his friends but None of them knew him like i did.

He meant so much to me, i was his best friend. I suffer the most.

But they don't get it, their funny little brains are so rarely used they can't see it.

They're drowning in their own sorrow.

~*~

It's getting easier to talk about him. But every time someone mentions his name, I flinch.

I started smoking weed with Mrs Hudson. It's not really helping but at least i get into the state of mind, when i forgot his death.

I'm so in love with him, it physically hurts.

It's been seventeen months and every time i see the stupid hat I got, i remember him and his sh*t Eating grin when he looked at me whenever i wore it.

First Christmas without him I spend alone, not with my parents and Mycroft as usual. I just couldn't fotce myself to actually get up from the sofa and go somewhere.

I need him. I'm craving him.

~*~

Two years after his death I finally start solving cases again. I'm doing even the most boring ones but i need a distraction. I moved on. I had to.

I even hid the key from the bedroom so that i don't go there anymore.

One night i decide to go the restaurant where i was with John when we were trying to solve the "Study in Pink" case.

I miss his body next to mine, his voice repeating "Im not his date" or asking me if I have a girlfriend or boyfriend.

I miss him. It's quite obvious.

Few hours later, when I'm leaving, I notice someone staring at me. I've never seen this person before, even thogh he looks like someone I used to know. But he looks like he knows me very well, or at least who I am.

On my way home I can hear someone following me but I don't wanna be too obvious so I don't look back, just casually walk home. Few streets away from my house I pretend to drop the keys, so I bend down to grab them and look at the person that is following me all this time.

It's him, the man from the restaurant. I have no clue what he wants from me. Maybe it's just another client.

I slowly straighten up and continue walking. And right in front of the door to my house, he stops right behind me. I can hear him taking out something from his pocket. So before he can do something, I turn around, grab him by the shoulder, pull him close and hit him with my knee in his crotch. He whines but doesn't fall to his knees like I expected him to. Instead, he hits me back, wrap his arm around my neck so his elbow is right under my chin, and starts choking me. Not enough to kill me but enough to make my vision blurry and my mouth open try to inhale some air.

„Don't fight back Sherlock, you know I don't want to kill you."

I recognize this voice? Could it be-? No way, he.... What the hell.

And then, I black out.

~*~

I wake up inside the flat on my sofa. How..?

I look at the ceiling and then at the Window. He's standing there, watching people on the streets doing their business.

„You died." I choke out and he looks at me.

„Oh, you're awake."

But i ignore it, get up and walk to him. „You died." I repeat and he shakes his head.

„As you can see, I didn't."

And the tone of his voice makes me even angrier. I slap him across the face.

„Do you even know how much I was suffering? How much I missed you and cried for you? Yes, Watson! I cried for you! And this is what I get? One word, one word was all i needed to know that you're alive, this was way too bad."

He sighs. „I'm sorry."

„Go fu*k yourself with apologies." I murmur and he sighs again and takes my hand. „Sherlock."

I take a step back and he lets my hand go. „I had to. They would kill you, I had to ‚die', because I love you and I couldn't let them kill you."

But all that I remember from all he just said is „I love you".

„You love me?" is all i'm able to say. He smiles.

„I just told you that they had wanted to kill you and all you care about is whether i love you or not?"

I nod and he laughs. God, I missed this sound so much.

„Yes, yes of course Sherlock. I love you."

~*~

And if we are kissing moment later, or if I hit him again because I'm so angry that he didn't tell me.. it's completely a different story. You can deduce.


End file.
